HR Is Not Your Friend – A Perspective from the Other Side

"HR is not your friend."

It’s a phrase I used to challenge early in my career. I believed that HR could be more than just policy enforcers—we could build trust, be approachable, and genuinely support employees. So, I tried. I was accommodating, I listened, and I made myself available.

And what did I get in return? Harassment, ridicule, insults.

When Good Intentions Backfire

As an HR professional, I wanted employees to feel comfortable coming to me. I wasn’t just enforcing policies; I was fostering a work environment where people felt heard and supported. But instead of mutual respect, I encountered something else:

• Some mistook kindness for weakness. They assumed that because I was approachable, I could be manipulated.

• Some misinterpreted professionalism as personal interest. A simple check-in or a polite response was taken as something more than just work.

• Some felt entitled to my time and attention. They pushed boundaries, demanding personal conversations or responses outside of work hours.

• Some pressured me to bend rules in their favor. They thought that because I was accommodating, I would make “exceptions” for them—whether it was overlooking policy violations, fast-tracking their requests, or advocating for them regardless of fairness.

And when I tried to set boundaries? The reaction wasn’t always professional.

The Dark Side of Being "Too Accommodating"

What started as genuine attempts to be supportive led to uncomfortable situations. I found myself dealing with:

• Inappropriate messages that crossed professional lines.

• Intrusive personal questions that had nothing to do with work.

• Aggressive behavior when I upheld policies they didn’t like.

The worst part? Some of these individuals knew exactly what they were doing. They assumed I wouldn’t push back because, as HR, I was expected to be “understanding” or “keep the peace.”

This is the reality that many in HR don’t talk about: when you try too hard to be approachable, some employees will see it as an invitation to overstep and manipulate.

The Wake-Up Call

After several difficult encounters, I had to rethink my approach. I wasn’t going to stop being professional or supportive, but I needed to protect myself, too.

• I set firm boundaries. My role is to support employees professionally, not be at their beck and call for personal matters.

• I became more selective with how I engaged. I listened, but I no longer entertained conversations that felt like they were heading in the wrong direction.

• I learned to shut things down early. Instead of brushing off inappropriate comments or behavior, I addressed them immediately.

And most importantly, I accepted that HR is not, and cannot be, everyone’s friend.

Sometimes, when I sense that people aren’t happy with me or are taking advantage of my kindness, I find myself withdrawing. I isolate myself to maintain my professionalism and avoid situations where I might be pushed into uncomfortable or unethical positions. It’s a defense mechanism—one I’ve learned to adopt over time.

The Bigger Lesson

For HR professionals: Being kind is not a weakness but be mindful of how people perceive it. There’s a fine line between being approachable and being seen as an easy target. Set boundaries early, and don’t hesitate to call out inappropriate behavior.

For employees: Respect the role of HR. Just because someone in HR is professional and accommodating doesn’t mean they are there for personal favors, personal relationships, or bending the rules. HR professionals deserve the same level of respect that employees expect from them.

Final Thoughts – And the HR Reactions That Will Follow

I already know how some of my HR colleagues will react when they read this:

😤 “But we should be the bridge between employees and management!”🤨 “Not all employees are like that.”😱 “You’re going to scare people away from HR!”

And to that, I say—this isn’t about making HR unapproachable. It’s about acknowledging the reality that not every employee sees HR as a partner in fairness. Some see us as obstacles, some see us as tools, and some try to take advantage of our role.

I’ve learned the hard way that being accommodating as an HR professional comes with risks. While I still believe in treating employees with fairness and respect, I no longer go out of my way to “prove” that HR can be a friend. Because in reality, HR is not your friend—we are here to ensure a fair and professional workplace for everyone, including ourselves.

And if that means keeping a little more distance, so be it.

What Are Your Thoughts?

HR professionals—have you experienced this too? Employees—what’s your take on HR’s role? Let’s discuss in the comments!

#hrrealtalk

About Me:

Joseline M. Alosbaños, known as the HR Carousel Ringmistress, is a Certified HR Practitioner with over twenty years of experience in Human Resources Management. Her extensive career spans various sectors, including corporate, freelancing, and consulting, equipping her with a wide range of skills. Joseline excels in employee relations, talent acquisition, total rewards management, HR operations, and organizational development, successfully implementing HR strategies that align with business objectives and promote a positive workplace atmosphere. If you require my services, feel free to contact me at joyce.alosbanos@gmail.com